


Angular Velocity (revolutions per minute)

by MirandaTam



Series: Catalysis [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Species Swap, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-18 14:56:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1432645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MirandaTam/pseuds/MirandaTam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You weren't quite expecting this, either. It wasn't entirely outside the realm of possibility, though, not in your case.<br/>Until things started getting weird.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The planet twists.

It folds, unfolds, and refolds in a different pattern, echoing throughout your skull, shifting in the very depths of your thinkpan.

You don’t know how long you lie on the floor before you pull yourself up to a chair. Seconds, minutes, hours – time had blurred into something unrecognizable for a few moments or an eternity.

You take stock of yourself – you examine your hands, your face, your surroundings. You’re in your hive, at your desk, where your husktop is sitting. You glance outside and see the ocean, stretching out as far as you can see from your little island.

You can remember the game, you realize after a few minutes, and the realization hits you like a bag of bricks.

_oh god wwhat did i do_

The memories begin flooding back – the game, the meteor, Feferi. Saying you were going to join Jack. The duel with Sollux. The showdown. Kanaya and her chainsaw.

Your memories of the dreambubbles are fuzzier, but they solidify with a bit of time – the whole fiasco that was Erisolsprite. Your inevitable spritesplosion. Being resurrected as God Tier for the final battle. Winning.

The look on Feferi’s face when you met for a brief moment mid-battle.

Sollux’s disdainful sneer when you helped Aradia out of a tight corner.

Kanaya not letting you out of her line of sight as you claimed your final reward.

Yeah, you remember it all.

Your husktop beeps. Looks like Karkat’s stared up another of his memos, though this one looks to be temporally locked in the present.

\-- carcinoGenetecist [ CG] opened memo on board APPARENTLY WE DIDN’T DIE, SOMEHOW--

CG: LISTEN UP. AS FAR AS I CAN TELL, WE WON. WE’RE BACK ON ALTERNIA, SO WE MIGHT NOT HAVE WON, BUT WHATEVER. IS EVERYONE HERE?

AC: :33< yep!

CT: D---> Yes

CC: )(---ER---E!

GC: PR3S3NT

AT: i’M HERE,

TA: ii’m here.

TA: 2o’2 AA.

TA: 2he flew over here, and 2he’2 2tiill aliive, but 2he doe2n’t have a hu2ktop.

TA: 2he’s aliive agaiin now, and ii can 2ee agaiin.

TA: and lii2p, apparently.

GA: Yes Im Here

GA: Plus Two New Appendages

GA: Specifically Wings

AG: We all went god tier, remeeeeeeeem8er????????

AG: I’m here, 8y the way.

CG: OH, FANTASTIC. NOW WE’LL BE ABLE TO BE COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT WHILE FLYING, AS OPPOSED TO JUST BEING NORMALLY INCOMPETENT.

CG: WHO ARE WE MISSING?

GC: TH3 CLOWN

CG: GAMZEE’S CHECKED IN WITH ME.

CG: LET’S LEAVE IT AT THAT.

CG: WHO ELSE?

CC: ---Eridan.

CG: OH, FANTASTIC. ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE HE IS OR WHAT HE’S GOTTEN UP TO THIS TIME?

CC: I could try P--EST--ERING him, I seappose.

\-- cuttlefishCuller [ CC ] began trolling caligulasAquarium [ CA ] --

CC: ---Eridan, are you TH-ER-E?

You can’t answer her.

CC: PL-EAS-E, we need to know if you’re okay.

You can’t face what you did.

CC: If you don’t answer me RIGHT NOW, I’m going to assume something’s wrong and come over to your hive.

CC: You know how fast I can get there.

CA: fine

CA: wwhat do you wwant me to say

CA: i fucked up majorly

CA: i killed you an kan and blinded sol

CA: im the wworst fuckup in the history a paradox space

CA: so just leavve me the fuck alone

CC: That’s not TRU---E!

CC: Kanaya and I have FORGIV--EN YOU!

CA: you shouldnt

CA: ill just mess up again an get someone hurt or killed

CA: evverybody just needs to leavve me alone

CA: ivve gotten too many people hurt

CA: so im just gonna make sure that i dont do anythin stupid evver again

CA: fef im so sorry

CA: tell kan that she shouldnt havve trusted me with that stupid wwand

CA: tell sol to go fuck himself

CA: bye, fef

CC: ----ERIDAN!

\-- caligulasAquarium [ CA ] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [ CC ] --

You close the husktop and dig out a rope from one of the piles of junk littering your room, then grab your chair and start tying knots in the rope.

You’ve listened to Terezi often enough to know how to do this.


	2. Chapter 2

“It’s time,” you tell her.

She hasn’t been paying attention, of course, so she takes a moment before looking up. “Time for what?”

You roll your eyes. “Gee, I don’t know. Have we been waiting for something for a while?”

She stares at you blankly.

You gesture to the screen behind you. Not the one that has a live feed of the hive the ex-humans have built on the pink moon, or the one that’s showing a certain apartment on the green moon – you’re showing her the memo that the twelve wrigglers have begun chatting on.

Yeah, you’re sort of the best at getting into places you shouldn’t be.

“Wait, you mean they’ve remembered?”

Talk about slow on the uptake. You roll your eyes again, slowly and dramatically, to make your point. “Yep. Which means that shit is about to hit the fan, big time. And, actually… wait just a second…” You turn your attention to the screen showing the apartment on the green moon. “Nah, they’re going to take a day or so to get their shit together, if they even remember that this is something they need to take care of.”

She snorts. “Pfft, they’re screwed. They got what, ten minutes before Scratch notices them?”

“Less.” You pause. “But that’s why we planned ahead, yeah?”

“Hell yeah.” She grins now, all shark teeth. “Does that mean we can blow him up now?”

You don’t respond verbally, instead digging out the Big Red Button you made a few decades ago when she first proposed this aspect of her plan. “I assume you want to do the honors?”

“Now?”

“No time like the present for blowing shit up.”

She presses the button.

A roar fills the room as the feed of the green moon fills with fiery orange-reds. You wince and go turn the volume down.

“And we know that blowing him up killed him because…”

“Blowing him up killed him because a, this wasn’t the timeline he expected to pan out, so he didn’t make as many preparations, b, he wasn’t expecting us to be this proactive, and c, he can’t sense me, so he can’t teleport over to the person who blew him up, aka us, like he usually does during assassination attempts.” Why do you have to explain everything? Couldn’t she keep track of something besides her ego for once? “I mean, that last one is sorta why I’m here in the first place.”

“What, you expect me to keep track of why I kidnapped everyone I kidnapped?”

You pause for a moment. “Yes.”

She just shrugs.

You sigh. “Whatevs.” Your eyes skim over the memo again, and you glance at the private log between the two seadwellers. Well, for some definition of private. “Are you actually ready for this?”

She bares her teeth, shark smile even creepier in this situation. “I am so fuckin’ ready for this. The whole shebang’s just gotten really boring lately. You got no clue how relieved I am to be able to do this, ‘specially away from that green and white asshole.”

“Seriously? Ready for the revamp and all that?”

“Eh.” She’s following along the memo now, too. “It’ll take them a sweep or three to get their shit together, I’ll be ready then.”

“Well, it’s nice that you’ve become so enlightened on the topic of your own death,” you comment. “Like, just checking, you know that’s what has to happen, right? Whoever they get – Karkat, or Feferi, or whoever – kills you, takes over, all that jazz.” You hope it’s long and drawn out and painful. The death, that is, not the takeover.

She rolls her eyes. “Please, I literally _designed_ the plan. This has been coming since I grabbed you a few centuries ago, it’s not like this is unexpected.”

“Aight then.” You sit back down at your mega ultra badass computer and type in a few commands, then pause. “Does this mean that I get to go contact them now?”

“Fuck no.”

Damn it.

God fucking damn it, what is it going to take? You cannot actually believe her. You have been doing everything she told you to. Kissing up, improving on her plans, hiding her from Scratch, hacking into practically every computer in the fucking galaxy.

You could just pester them, troll them, whatever. You could probably hide it well enough that she wouldn’t be able to find it. Nothing big, just so that they would know…

And then she’d catch you doing it. You know that she monitors all outgoing communications from here – she’d pick up on it in a heartbeat. And she came down on you hard enough for contacting the Summoner that, honestly, you just don’t want to risk it again.

“Couple more sweeps,” she adds generously.

You take a deep breath, and put on your calm face, the one you used for dealing with idiots back before she caught you.

“Fine. But don’t expect me to wait longer than that, _Your Imperiousness_ , or I’ll bring this place down around your fucking gills, chained to the spot or no.”

She grins again, patting your head – heh – condescendingly. “Can’t wait to see you try, princess.”

Your name is Roxy Lalonde, and your life sucks.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait, guys. School's almost out, so at least I'll have more time to waste not writing. Maybe I'll even get some writing in there, who knows?
> 
> But in all seriousness, I expect the pace of chapters to increase dramatically. I have a vague direction, though no ending, planned out. Hopefully I'll be able to actually finish this one.


	3. Chapter 3

\-- carcinoGenetecist [ CG ] began trolling terminallyCapricious [ TC ]--

CG: GAMZEE, ARE YOU THERE?

CG: LOOK, I KNOW YOU’RE THERE, YOU HAVE A MOBILE COMPUTER JUST LIKE THE REST OF US.

CG: YOU’RE NOT EVEN IDLE OR ANYTHING.

\-- terminallyCapricious [ TC ] is now an idle troll! --

CG: AND THAT’S REALLY SUPPOSED TO CONVINCE ME THAT YOU’RE NOT THERE?

CG: IF ANYTHING, THAT’S JUST CONFIRMED IT!

CG: JUST FUCKING ANSWER ME ALREADY!!

CG: DON’T MAKE ME GO GET TAVROS OR SOMETHING.

CG: WE BOTH KNOW THAT TAVROS CAN GUILT YOU INTO ANYTHING, YOU’RE SO FLUSHED FOR HIM.

CG: I GUESS I COULD GET TEREZI, TOO, BUT I FEEL LIKE THAT WOULD SORT OF BACKFIRE?

CG: WE REALLY NEED TO GET SOMEONE ON TOP OF THAT SITUATION THERE. WHATEVER THAT SITUATION IS. YOU FEEL LIKE TELLING ME??

\-- terminallyCapricious [ TC ] is an idle troll! --

CG: WELL FUCK YOU TOO.

CG: I GUESS IT’S NOT LIKE WE’RE IN A QUADRANT OR ANYTHING.

CG: LET ALONE ONE BASED AROUND COMMUNICATION AND THE REVELATION OF FEELINGS.

CG: GOSH, THAT WOULD REALLY BE SILLY, WOULDN’T IT.

CG: ...

CG: LOOK, IF I HAVE TO SIT HERE ALL FUCKING NIGHT, AS MY ASS STEADILY GROWS NUMBER FROM SITTING STILL AT MY COMPUTER, I WILL.

CG: I WILL STARE AT THIS SCREEN UNTIL MY EYES COMBUST FROM THE BACKLIGHTING, NOT HAVING BLINKED IN HOURS.

CG: I WILL STARVE TO DEATH, NOT GETTING UP TO FEED MYSELF, SITTING IN A PILE OF MY OWN STEADILY DECAYING WASTE THAT HAS ACCUMULATED SINCE I WON’T HAVE LEFT THIS CHAIR IN DAYS.

CG: THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS.

CG: NO, THIS ISN’T GETTING RIDICULOUS. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. IT HAS BEEN SINCE I BEGAN THIS PESTERLOG. SOMEHOW, THOUGH, IT HASN’T COMPLETELY FILLED THE RIDICULOUSNESS GAUGE, SO IT WILL KEEP GETTING MORE RIDICULOUS UNTIL THE GAGUE EXPLODES BECAUSE IT’S SO FULL. AND THEN IT’LL START OVERFLOWING, CONTAMINATING EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IN ITS RIDICULOUSNESS, FLOODING THE PLANET UNTIL EVERYTHING IS NOTHING BUT A VAST SEA OF RIDICULOUSNESS.

 

You hear the ‘ping’ of a received message behind you as you hit ‘send’ on the last paragraph and whirl around, half falling out of your chair and then _actually_ falling out of your chair as you realize that your chair is not a spinny chair and thus cannot whirl.

The chair falls on top of you, completing the scene.

Gamzee is standing in the middle of your room, frozen mid-step. He doesn’t have his weapons drawn, and trollian is beeping at him from his sylladex.

You glare up at him from your place on the ground. “Shut up.”

His posture relaxes slightly. “Didn’t say nothing, motherfucker,” he says as he lifts the chair off of you, quietly amused.

You stand as gracefully as possible. “You were thinking it.”

He shrugs and begins to say something, but your computer pings, demanding your attention.

“Fucking – ugh.” You glare at that last line of fuschia, willing a line of ‘vviolet’ to magically – sorry, scientifically – appear. “Eridan hasn’t checked in yet, can he ever stay out of fucking trouble? Just this once, it’s not even that complicated – fuck. Shitfucking dammit, that idiot cannot be serious–” You can feel Gamzee reading over your shoulder as you try to get a handle on everyone else.

 

CC: H---E’S DOING SOM----ETHING V---ERY STUPID I N---E---ED TO GO H---ELP HIM I’LL B---E BACK SOON

CG: SHIT. WHAT HAPPENED?

\-- cuttlefishCuller [ CC ] has ceased responding to the memo -->

CG: WHAT, NO, DON’T LEAVE, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??

CG: WELL FUCK.

CG: I DON’T SUPPOSE ANYONE HAS ANY CLUE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

GC: UNFORTUN4T3LY NOT >:[

GA: I Dont Like Being The One To Suggest This

GA: But

GA: Eridan Can Be Rash

GA: It Is A Possibility That He Has Attempted To Do Something

GA: Drastic

GA: Perhaps Someone Else Should Also Check On Him

AG: Gosh, Kanaya, that’s a GR8 idea!!!!!!!!

AG: Just one tiny flaw!

AG: How????????

GA: It Was Just A Suggestion

GA: Also Im Not Talking To You

AG: Hahahahahahahaha, are you serious?

AG: You do realize you just talked to me, right?

GA: That Was An Exception

GA: To Inform You Of My Current Attitude Towards You

GA: As Is This

AG: What the hell did I even DO this time????????

AG: I haven’t killed anyone in HOURS!

AG: And then it was people we wanted to kill!!!!!!!!

GA: Its Really Just Been Your Attitude Over The Past Few Perigees Ive Known You

GA: Well And Also Sweeps

GA: Actually

GA: Pretty Much The Entire Time Ive Known You

GA: So Im Going To Try To Stop Talking To You

AG: Come on!!!!!!!!

AG: I’ve 8een trying to 8e a 8etter person!

AG: I’ve 8een trying to h8lp people and m8ke sure th8y’re ok8y!

AG: I’ve 8een trying to do 8V8RYTHING YOU S8ID I SH8ULD D8!!!!!!!!

AG: Just 8sk Tavros!

AT: cAN WE,

AT: lEAVE ME OUT OF THIS, pLEASE,

GC: TO B3 HON3ST, VR1SK4, 1 H4V3NT S33N YOU TRY1NG TOO H4RD

AG: Just st8y 8ut 8f th8s, Terezi!!!!!!!!

AG: This doesn’t h8ve 8nything to do w8th y8u!!!!!!!!

GC: TH1S 1S 4 PUBL1C M3MO >:/

GC: G3T 4 PR1V4T3 CONV3RS4T1ON 1F YOU W4NT YOUR CONV3RS4T1ON TO B3 PR1V4T3.

AG: F8ne, I will!!!!!!!!

GA: Um

GA: Thats Sort Of What I Was Trying To Avoid

TA: ehehe wow thii2 ii2 a complete me22.

AG: Is EVERY8ODY g8nging up 8n me n8w????????

GC: SOLLUX, 1 TH1NK YOU SHOULD ST4Y OUT OF TH1S ONE, SORRY

TA: what the hell, why would ii stay out of thii2?

CG: hey.

CG: MOTHERFUCKERS.

CG: shut the hell up.

CG: KARKAT’S FLIPPING HIS SHIT.

CG: screaming into a pillow and stuff.

CG: SO SHUT UP AND CALM THE MOTHERFUCK DOWN.

GC: >:o

TA: ok, 2hutiing up.

AG: Totally quiet, n8t a s8und!

GA: I Never Thought Id Be Saying This But

GA: Thank You Gamzee

GA: Anyway I Was Going To Suggest That Sollux Hack Eridan’s Webcam

GA: But Given That On Reflection Sollux Is Not Mature Enough To Handle The Most Menial Of Tasks I Suggest That We Wait For Feferi To Handle The Situation

TA: 2o 2hould ii 2tiill do that hackiing thiing or no?

CG: NO.

CG: UNLESS YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT THEM NOTICING.

CG: IT MAY BE A

CG: UH

CG: DELICATE SITUATION?

CG: AND YOU KNOW WHAT NO THIS IS A HORRIBLE IDEA.

CG: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE ANY *BETTER* IDEAS?

TA: what, better than me checkiing up on what’2 goiing on wiith ff and ed?

CG: BETTER THAN THE GUY WITH A HATECRUSH ON ERIDAN HACKING HIS COMPUTER.

TA: two late.

TA: ii can’t 2ee much, ju2t hii2 room, he’2 not iin iit.

TA: let’2 2ee iif ii can rotate hii2 webcam at all

GA: May I Just Point Out That This Is A Bit Of A Gross Violation Of Privacy

CG: WELL? DON’T JUST LEAVE US HANGING.

TA: holy 2hiit

TA: holy fuckiing 2hiit

TA: where the fuck ii2 ff

CG: WHAT IS IT??

TA: tv, can you reach hii2 lu2u2?

AT: uHH, gIVE ME A SECOND,,,

AT: yEAH,

AT: oH NO,

TA: hurry up

AT: sORRY, bUT,

AT: sEAHORSE TEETH AREN’T REALLY GOOD AT CHEWING THROUGH ROPE,

CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW????

AT: uH,

AT: eRIDAN’S TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF,

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goddamn that formatting took forever.  
> I am going to post the next 2-3 chapters in a week or two - I would be posting them over the next few days, but I'm actually in Tanzania on a safari right now, this is the first internet I've managed in a few days.  
> Happy summer, everyone!


	4. Chapter 4

Your name is Feferi Peixes and you are swimming as fast as trollishly possible.

You have a feeling that Eridan has done something very, very stupid. Well, even more stupid than usual. So you can’t be doing this internal commentary thing, because you’re too busy worrying about your moirail! Ex-moirail.

You get to his hive in record time. Normally you wouldn’t knock, because you two were moirails, but you aren’t moirails any more, so you should knock, but given what he said you’re just going to barge in anyways.

It’s a good thing that his respiteblock is the first place you check, because that’s where he is.

His lusus is trying to… you can’t tell if it’s trying to chew through the rope or play tug-of-war with Eridan, who’s holding the other end of the rope, the one that has a noose tied in it.

Honestly, it would be hilarious if the situation weren’t so grim.

You don’t even bother with the rope, striding over and grabbing Eridan by the arm and dragging him out of the room. (This, conveniently, allows his lusus to finally gain control over the rope.)

You drag him out the door.

“Fef–”

“Come _on,_ Eridan, we’re going to my hive.”

“But–”

You glare at him, and he quiets down for the rest of the swim downwards.

Once you get back home, you sit him down in your kitchen and get out some chocolate. “Eat,” you tell him.

“I don’t wwant to,” he grumbles under his breath.

“Eridan, can’t you just for once–”

“Look,” he interrupts you. “Wwhy’d you stop me?”

You stare at him blankly for a moment. “Because… because you _can’t_ kill yourself!”

“’Specially not wwith you an’ seahorse dad fuckin’ it up.”

You growl a tiny bit. “If this is just because of some stupid, immature quadrants thing–”

He laughs at you. “Seriously, Fef? Seriously? You still think this’s about that? Talk about self-centered.”

You take several deep, calming breaths. “Well, then, if it’s not about _that_ , explain it to me!”

“An’ wwhy the hell should I?” he snorts. “Wwe’re not moirails or anythin.’”

“Would you rather I go get Karkat or Kanaya, and have one of _them_ talk to you?” you snap.

“No,” he says curtly.

“Well, then.”

The two of you sit in silence for a moment.

“God _dammit_ , Fef, can’t you just leavve me _alone_ for once! You’re alwways so fuckin’ pushy about everythin–!”

“I can’t believe you, you’re always so ridiculous and stupid, what were you even thinking–!”

“Wwhy can’t ya just let me be–!”

“You never think about anyone other than yourself–”

“I’m self-centered? _I’m self-centered?_ After all a this, an’ you’re not evven payin’ the least bit a attention ta anythin’ I’m _ACTUALLY SAYING?_ ”

Silence for another moment.

“Fine, then,” you say, a trifle coldy. “What _are_ you actually saying?”

“This is the _least_ ,” he hisses, “The least self-centered that I havve evver been in my entire fuckin’ _life_.”

“How is this not self-centered?” you retort.

“BECAUSE I KILLED YOU!” he practically roars. “Do you not get that? I killed you, an’ Sol, an’ Kan, an’ almost Vvris, too. I’m not safe to be around! I’m gonna get evveryone killed!”

That’s…

You feel like a bit of a bitch now, to be honest.

“Okay,” you say quietly. “Let’s start this over. Eridan. You’re not going to kill anyone, especially not yourself, okay?”

“How do you knoww that?” he snaps.

“Because I won’t let you,” you growl.

“Yeah?” he challenges you.

For a minute, you had almost remembered why you two had become moirails in the first place, but then… oh well.

“Look,” you say. “This is just getting ridiculous. Stay here.”

“Where’re you goin?’” he asks, a little belligerently.

“I’m clearly unable to handle your many emotional crises,” you retort. “So I’m going to go find someone who can!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, well, I lied about it taking a week. The next one will actually take a week, or a little less. With this one, I guess I just couldn't... leave you hanging.  
> Ha? No? Okay.


	5. Chapter 5

GA: What

AG: What.

CG: WHAT???

GC: HOLY SH1T

GC: 1S H3 OK4Y?

TA: yeah, ff showed up

TA: look2 liike 2he’2 tryiing to talk 2ome 2en2e iinto him

TA: by whiich ii mean

TA: iit look2 liike 2he’2 kiidnapiing hiim

CG: OKAY, GOOD

CG: UGH

CG: SO WE HAVE ARADIA, TAVROS, SOLLUX, NEPETA, KANAYA, TEREZI, VRISKA, EQUIUS, GAMZEE, AND FEFERI’S GETTING ERIDAN.

CG: GREAT.

CG: NOW WHAT?

AG: What do you mean, now what?

AG: We won!!!!!!!!

CG: BY NOW WHAT I MEAN EXACTLY WHAT I SAID.

CG: WE WON.

CG: WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

CG: LIVE OUT OUR LIVES IN THE OH SO GRAND ALTERNIAN EMPIRE?

CG: OH WAIT. WE’RE LOWBLOODS, TRAITORS, AND MUTANTS.

CG: DIE AS TRAITORS, MUTANTS, ET ALL?

CG: WAIT A FUCKING SECOND, WE’RE IMMORTAL NOW.

CG: SERIOUSLY.

CG: WHAT NOW.

GA: One Second

GA: Feferis Trolling Me

 

You switch tabs. Hopefully Eridan’s doing fine, but the fact that Feferi’s trolling you seems to suggest otherwise. Hopefully this won’t require mediation of the ashen kind. That never seems to turn out well.

 

\--cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]--

CC: I just can’t deal with him ANYMORAY!

CC: H--ER--E, you take care of him!

\--cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]--

 

 

\--caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]--

CA: so fef just shovved this at me

GA: Yes

GA: I Believe She Wants Me To Figure Out Whats Going On

CA: ivve literally explained it to her like three times now

GA: Unfortunately I Was Not There

GA: And Thus Cannot Tell Where The Communication Error Ocurred

GA: Could You Perhaps Explain

GA: It

GA: To Me

CA: is this one a those stealth moirail tactics

GA: Pretty Much Yes

GA: However I Would Also Like To Know What The Hell Is Going On

CA: ugh

CA: basically i just tried to do a stupid thing again

CA: i know it wwas stupid to try an hang myself but

CA: i just keep hurtin trolls who i dont mean to hurt

CA: so i figured wwhy should i risk it anymore

CA: wwhy should i risk doin a ton a stupid things wwhen i could do one stupid thing an nevver risk hurtin anyone again

GA: How Do You Know That You Would Do Something Like That Again

GA: In The Past Youve Learned From Your Mistakes Pretty Well

CA: yeah like wwhat

GA: Once It Actually Happened You Realized Genocide Was A Stupid Idea

GA: You Stopped Flirting With Feferi After A Few Weeks

GA: Even If She Didnt Realize It

GA: You Even Saved Solluxs Life A Few Times During That Final Battle If I Remember Correctly

CA: wwell wwhos to say i wwont kill someone again

GA: Are You Planning To

CA: wwell

GA: Blunt Tools Or Sharp Tools Or A Ranged Weapon Again

CA: wwell no but

GA: Because Ive Found Some Very Nice Ways To Get Blood Out Of Cloth If Youre Going For The Blunt Or Sharp Tools And That Cape Is Too Good To Lose To That However Ridiculously Pretentious It Is To Wear Daily

CA: im not goin to kill anyone!

GA: Then What Are You Worried About

CA: ...

CA: oh

CA: uh

CA: i

CA: wwhat if i fuck up an do somethin stupid?

GA: Somehow I Doubt That You Will Do That

GA: As I Pointed Out Before You Learn From Your Mistakes Well

GA: But On The Off Chance That You Do

GA: Somehow

GA: Attempt To Kill Someone

GA: Rest Assured That I Will Be Able To Stop You

CA: thats

CA: actually vvery comfortin

CA: thanks

GA: No Problem

GA: Now I Believe That You Should Go Reassure The Rest Of The Group

GA: Theyre Trying To Make Plans

GA: And You Know How That Usually Turns Out

CA: ugh yeah this is gonna be a disaster isnt it

CA: fine ill go talk to them

GA: Thank You

GA: And Please Feel Free To Talk To Me If You Need Someone To Talk To Again

 

Well, that’s quite possibly the most blatant pale solicitation you’ve ever made.

You check back on the memo, which has predictably dissolved into chaos.

 

AA: im just saying that it seems a little silly!

TA: oh come on aa how ii2 that 2iily?

AG: Not to agree with Aradia or anything, 8ut it’s completely ridiculous.

AA: see? even vriska agrees with me!

GC: 1 DON’T KNOW, 1T S33MS R3ASON4BL3

CG: NO, IT DOESN’T.

CG: THAT IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE WORST IDEA THAT I’VE HEARD SINCE WE PLAYED THE GAME.

CG: THERE IS NO WAY WE’RE DOING IT.

GA: Could Someone Explain Whats Going On

CG: NORMALLY I WOULD, BUT THE LATEST IDEA WE’VE HAD IS JUST TOO STUPID TO EVEN THINK ABOUT FOR TOO LONG, LET ALONE EXPLAIN.

GA: Okay Then What Are We Talking About

CG: WE’RE THINKING ABOUT WHAT WE’RE GOING TO DO NOW THAT WE’RE STUCK HERE ON ALTERNIA AGAIN.

AG: How a8out THIS.

AG: We stay hidden on-planet after we turn 10, then start a resistance group with the younger low8loods while 8rainwashing all the younger high8loods to our cause!

AG: Then we seize power once we have a 8ig enough support 8ase!

CA: vvris that is the single wworst idea that youvve evver come up with

CA: an this is countin that time wwith the doomsday devvice

GC: 3R1D4N!

GC: N1C3 TO S33 YOU’R3 NOT D34D.

CG: UH, YEAH, PRETTY MUCH WHAT TEREZI SAID.

CG: SO, GIVEN THAT VRISKA’S IDEA IS, LIKE YOU SAID, AS BAD IF NOT WORSE THAN HER PREVIOUS IDEAS

CG: DO YOU HAVE ANY GOOD IDEAS?

CG: OR AT THE VERY LEAST, NOT COMPLETELY SHITTY IDEAS?

CG: BECAUSE THAT’S ALL WE’RE COMING UP WITH.

CA: yeah i got a plan

CA: its gonna take a wwhile though

CG: SO IS EVERYTHING ELSE.

CG: LET’S HEAR IT.

CG: IT CAN’T BE WORSE THAN SOME OF THE STUFF SOLLUX CAME UP WITH.

TA: hey my plan wa2 great fuck you

CG: YOUR PLAN WAS GOING TO END WITH US ALL DEAD IN A GUTTER SOMEWHERE.

CG: ERIDAN?

CA: ok

CA: this is wwhat wwe need to do


	6. Chapter 6

You sneak around to the back of the ship, then glance around, a little worriedly. _Where is it?_

“Left, and down a bit – it is nearer to the ground than we thought it would be.” Equius says. His comm units have really come in handy – stealthy communication, as long as you didn’t reply too loudly.

“I see it,” you tell him, _hopefully_ not too loudly. The ventilation shaft is smaller than you thought it would be, but still manageable. You twist the screws out, climb in, and pull the grate back on. “Aradia, your turn.”

You’re really lucky her telekinesis is so fine-tuned – she’s able to screw the screws back in without even having to see them.

You climb through the ship’s ventilation system with only a bit of difficulty. Much to your consternation, ten sweep old you is only a little bigger than six sweep old you. You’re still hoping for a growth spurt later on, though.

This isn’t really the time to be thinking about this, though, because you’re currently trying to stow away on an Imperial Shuttle. Ugh, it’s freezing. Stupid seadweller conditions.

“Hey, kk, you following the planth?”

You roll your eyes. “Of course I’m following the plans, you idiot, how else would I be able to find what room you’re in?”

You can hear Sollux chuckle, a little guiltily. “Well, there’th a tiny complication.”

“What.”

“Yeah, you know how I thaid that there wouldn’t be anyone elthe in the room we were athined?”

“Are you fucking serious.”

“The’th jutht a brownblood, probably not going to tell anyone, and we’ll try and get her out of the room when you thow up.”

You groan. “Perfect. Now, not only am I stuck crawling around this dusty ventilation system, I’m going to have to stay here until you guys can somehow get this random troll out of the room. Really nice hacking job there, Sollux.”

“Hey, it’th not _my_ fault they randomly added in another troll latht-minute,” he snaps at you.

“Just tell me when I can come in the fucking room.” You’ve finally reached the grate above the room that was _supposed_ to just contain your friends. Well, most of your friends – midbloods, highbloods and their moirails got to go to a fancier part of the ship, so it was really just Aradia, Tavros, and Sollux. And mystery brownblood.

Well, nothing else left to do now.

Other than eavesdrop.

“So, you three all know each other?” asks a voice from the room below.

So that must be her.

“That’s really convenient. I wish I were that lucky.”

“Yeah, we did get, uh, lucky,” Tavros says.

“How long do you think we have until the ship takes off?”

“Probably like ten minuteth or tho,” Sollux says.

“Okay,” Mystery Brownblood says. “I think I’m gonna go to the bathroom, then. I’ll be right back.”

You hear the door open and close.

And then the grate drops out from under you.

“Shit!” Instead of plummeting to your awkward death on the floor of the room, your fall stops a few feet above the floor. “Hey, Aradia, maybe some warning next time?” you snap, then hop off the grate. “Also, how the hell did we end up with some stranger in this room?”

Sollux shakes his head. “They mutht have changed the thythtem after I hacked it. Her name’th Callia.”

“Uh, am I the only one who noticed how, uh, convenient her leaving the room was?” Tavros asks.

“Yeah, that was a little weird,” Aradia says. “Maybe she has psionics like Vriska or something?”

“Not quite,” says a voice from the door.

You freeze. _Shit._

“Calm down, I’m not going to turn you in or anything!”

You turn around. It’s someone who you guess is Mystery Brownblood. Callia. “So if mindreading isn’t your power,” you ask, “Then what the fuck is?”

She grins at you. “Precognition.”

Sollux whistles. “Damn. That’th tho cool.”

“In fact,” Callia says, “It’s so cool I’m going to get basically kidnapped by the empire in about fifteen minutes. This room should be clear for you after that.”

“Kidnapped?” Aradia asks indignantly. “They’re not even going to be more subtle than that?”

“Unfortunately, no.” She glances at Tavros, who’s looking pretty concerned. “I’ll be fine, just sort of not able to leave. They treat their psionics better than they treat most lowbloods. There’s a few things I have to tell you before I leave, though – first is that once you find those seven, there are still three.” The confused looks on all your faces must be pretty obvious, because she continues. “You’ll make sense of that bit in… hm, probably a sweep or two. Well, the first bit. The second thing that I need to tell you is that there’ll only be two inspections before the ship lands, spaced out evenly, and then one inspection before you’re allowed to disembark.”

You make a mental note of that – that’s when you’re going to have to go hide in the ventilation. Again.

“The third thing is that when you meet the Overseer, you should tell her to really examine the laws, very, very carefully,” Callia finishes cheerfully. “Now, you should probably go hide, before they get here.”

You nod dumbly, and Aradia lifts you back up. You’re so distracted you don’t even remember to grumble at her for not warning you.

The Overseer.

You’re going to meet the Overseer.

Oh god, you’re all dead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally, we're out of the annoying pesterlog formatting. Seriously, that shit takes forever.  
> I'm just finishing up a writing workshop, so hopefully the quality will be increasing in a few chapters.


	7. Chapter 7

Terezi listens to her comm unit for a few seconds, her head tilted.

“Remind me why we didn’t get one of those?” Vriska whispers in your ear.

“Because you would abuse it and I don’t have long enough hair to hide it under,” you reply.

“Uh, guys?” Terezi gets your attention. “Karkat’s freaking out a bit, something about a precog who says we’re all going to die.” She holds up a finger, stalling your reactions. “Okay, she didn’t say it, she just implied it.” You’d guess that Terezi rolls her eyes here, but can’t tell, since her glasses get in the way. “Okay, I– Shut up, we’re getting an inspection.”

The door slides open and… oh, god, it’s an adult. You remind yourself not to panic. This adult is supposed to be here. You’re not on Alternia any more.

“Names and colors?” the adult asks, clearly bored.

“Vriska Serket,” Vriska says, and tosses her hair slightly. “Cerulean.”

“Terezi Pyrope, teal.”

“Kanaya Maryam,” you say calmly. “Jade.”

The adult nods. “Your lusii should be in the proper holding area. If not, they’ll be left behind. We take off in five minutes.” She leaves.

You exhale a breath that you didn’t know you’d been holding. “Did Tavros get Karkat’s lusus in the holding area safely?” you ask Terezi.

Vriska answers instead. “There was a _tiny_ bit of trouble, but I smoothed it over nicely.”

You roll your eyes at Terezi subtly, and she grimaces back at you.

“Maybe we won’t die,” Terezi says, and it takes you a moment to place the context – she’s talking to Karkat again. “Who knows, maybe the Overseer is friendly!”

You clear your throat. “Terezi, the Overseer is quite possibly the third most feared troll in the galaxy.”

She makes a face at you. “Yes, I know that.”

“So, let me get this straight,” Vriska says, and you mentally groan. “They met this precog who said that we’re going to meet the Overseer?”

“As far as I can tell, yes,” Terezi says. “Also something about seven and three, and when the inspections are, which will be useful if it proves true.”

“So we can see if she’s wrong!” Vriska says. “Which, I mean, she probably is. I mean, what kind of weird power is seeing the future?”

_Rose_ , you immediately think, then shove the thought aside. No use dwelling on her until you can access the Alternian Database of Known Planets.

“Hey, Kanaya,” Vriska says.

You take a deep breath. “Yes, Vriska?”

“Why are you here when you could be hanging out with Eridan and all the higher-ups? Seriously, this room is _lame._ ”

“Because they fill the rooms with between three and five trolls,” you explain slowly and for the hundredth time. “If I were in a different room, you would have at least one other troll in this room with you.”

“So what? We could make a new friend!!!!!!!!”

You consider your words for a moment. “Vriska, you and Terezi stuck in a room with a stranger. For a week.”

“So?”

You just raise an eyebrow.

Vriska slumps. “Ugh, fine. You have a point.”

You have the feeling that this is going to be a long week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. It's been... a while. I really did mean to start updating when Homestuck came back, but... college apps have been a thing. A horrible, horrible thing. I am literally procrastinating right now.
> 
> I'll probably continue procrastinating over the course of the next few days. Expect more chapters.


	8. Chapter 8

“Nepeta,” Equius says quietly, “Would you please cease this incessant pacing?”

“I can’t help it,” you grumble. “There’s nothing to jump around on!”

“That does not mean that you need to be agitating everyone else, as well,” he reprimands you.

“I’m sorry!” you lash out a bit. “I’m just done with being cooped up in this dumb spaceship!”

Being up in first class with Equius is actually pretty boring, you’ve decided. There aren’t any fun people – only prissy highbloods who sneer down at you, and their moirails who are mostly pretty shy and don’t say anything.

Thankfully, the week-long trip is almost over! You’re almost to Umbriel, where you’ll be considered an adult and be able to get a job and everything! Also have to fill pails, but you’re not going to worry about that yet. Besides, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll all be going underground anyways, so the drones might not even be able to find you! Hopefully.

Equius takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I know, Nepeta. I am sorry. If it is any consolation, we only have about half a day left.”

That does help settle your nerves a bit, until a thought occurs to you. “What then?”

Equius blinks. “What do you mean?”

“What’s our plan for…” you look around, checking that the door’s closed. Gamzee's juggling some books on the far side of the room, and Feferi and Eridan are playing some card game in the corner. “What’s our plan for Karkat?”

“… I must admit that I am not privy to the specifics of this plan,” Equius says after a moment, abashed.

“’S not all that complicated,” Gamzee says. You’re not really surprised that he’s butting in, but he does still scare you a little bit, even though you know that having a moirail changes someone a ton and that Karkat is fully capable of calming Gamzee down. “Terezi tracks down someone who can make counterfeit IDs with that superpowered sniffer of hers and gets one for Karbro – probably gonna pass him off as brownblooded for that.”

You nod. That makes sense. Brown is low enough that people won’t constantly be telling him to prove it. He could be a maroonblood, but then everybody would become suspicious when he didn’t have a psionic power. Some browns didn’t, after all.

“Ah–” Equius coughs. “Are we concerned at all about how well Vantas will be able to control his temper around those of a higher status?”

Gamzee glances over at Equius.

Equius stares back.

The hairs on the back of your neck stand up. You want to intervene – you really, really do – but you aren’t their auspistice. You’re Equius’s moirail, and he has to do this for himself.

“Nah,” Gamzee says, and the tension drains out of the room like someone pulled a plug. “I’ll be around most of the time, and s’long as there aren’t any seadwellers around everything should be all nice and shiny. We’ll try to stay down low on the radar anyways, so shouldn’t be anyone around high enough to piss him off that much.”

“He’s been doin’ this for swweeps, Eq,” Eridan calls from the corner where he and Feferi are playing cards. “… Got any fivves?”

“Go fish!”

“Dammit.”

You nod decisively. “He’ll be fine, Equius! Everything is going to go according to plan.”

“Very well,” he finally concedes. “I suppose I am just needlessly worried, then.”

There’s a knock at the door and everyone jumps a tiny bit. It opens to reveal the adult who’s been in charge of the inspections of your area of the ship over the past week. He briefly bows to the corner where Eridan and Feferi are – he’s a purpleblood, the only tier high enough to even think about being somewhat in charge of an area containing seadwellers, but low enough to be this, well, minor – and glances cursorily around the room. “This is your last inspection,” he tells you, bored as ever. “Disembarkment is scheduled for roughly three hours from now.”

Eridan inclines his head slightly, still paying attention to his apparently very competitive game. “Thanks,” he tells the adult, who bows again and then leaves.

“It’s so weird how much the hemeowspectrum actually matters now,” you grumble. “Seriously! Even Equius before the game wasn’t this uptight about it!” Equius protests quietly, then realizes the validity of your complaint and stops.

Eridan snorts and shakes his head. “Fef and I’vve been goin’ to balls and stuff on the Moons ovver the past couple’a swweeps. Most a the trolls there are like that, though a feww’re more reasonable.”

“Well, it’s silly,” you protest.

“An’ that’s wwhy wwe’re tryin’ to change it,” Eridan agrees.

“And if anyone bothers you,” Feferi adds, a glint in her eyes, “Just tell me! And I can have a… little talk with them.”

You wonder vaguely when Feferi got so good at the whole being scary thing, then decide that it doesn’t matter much. “Okay,” you agree.

Three hours is a long time.

A very long time.

Exceptionally long, in fact.

“Nepeta,” Equius says quietly, “Would you please cease this incessant pacing?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can definitely promise to not keep up this update schedule - this one is mostly because I only have half an essay left and I wanted to celebrate.


End file.
